


we are at a tavern

by halforcpaladin



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, POV First Person, Yasha (Critical Role)-centric, it's sad, mollymauk appears, yasha's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 19:24:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16793230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halforcpaladin/pseuds/halforcpaladin
Summary: A sort of experiment in trying to figure out Yasha's voice.She makes a move.





	we are at a tavern

We are at a tavern. The lights from the candles lining the wall are warm and dim, and the people are mostly hidden in shadows. I am not comfortable here. The music is loud and the people are talking over each other and I feel large, like there is not enough space for me. I am happier when we sleep outside. I like the quiet and complex sounds animals make when the sun goes down.

Taverns seemed easier when Molly was here.

Jester is leaned over the table and her eyes are lit up by flashes of candlelight as she grins at Caleb. I don’t catch what she says, but I see Caleb press his lips together in both a grimace and a smile. One of the rings around Jester’s horn is shining, like she just recently polished it.

I look away.

Beau is next to me and she is talking to Fjord. She says, “I’ll bet you anything.”

Fjord says, “I’m not putting a bet on that, Beau.” I take the clay mug full of warm ale in front of me off of the table and bring it to my lips as I watch Beau. When she speaks, her jaw tightens. Everything about her is lean and taut. I can tell she is almost always tense, her back muscles drawn together and her hand is clenched in a fist. This is Beau’s natural state: defensive. Ready. I swallow some of my drink and it tastes like wheat.

I look up at her face again and she’s looking at me. Her eyes are really blue. “Yasha?” She says.

“Yes, Beau?” I answer.

“You’re staring at me.”

I tilt my head. “It’s just--you just have something--” I gesture at the side of my mouth in a brushing motion. Beau goes to wipe her face with the back of her hand but she’s missing it, I think it’s a bit of sauce, and I reach for her face without thinking and my thumb touches her lip and then her cheek and I rub it away.

Her eyes are open wide when she says, “Um. Thanks, Yasha.” She looks at the table.

Fjord is watching us from across the table. I notice that Caduceus is now looking, too. He makes me uneasy because I’m not sure how to talk to him. I’m afraid that he might say something I won’t have a response for.

Beau slips away from the table, swinging her legs over the bench we sat on together with an ease I admire.

Caduceus is leaning forward with his head resting in his palm and his pink hair lies in front of his face, covering one of his eyes. “Interesting.” I meet his eyes for a second and he doesn’t blink.

I turn and watch Beau as she weaves through the crowd towards the back of the room, where a bartender is pouring drinks from casks.

“Beau was just tryin’ to get me to bet her she could sleep with the bartender tonight.” Fjord says. “I told her that was a foolish idea, but looks like she’s goin’ for it.” His voice has a little smile in it like he’s amused but I don’t really feel amused.

I sit up a little straighter and feel my brows furrow. Generally, I find Beau amusing, but I feel annoyance right now. I’m annoyed with her.

Caduceus leans in closer and says, “Does that bother you, Yasha?”

Fjord laughs and says, “Why would that bother Yasha? She knows how Beau is.”

I look away from them, down the table at the rest of the group, hoping one of them might change the subject. Nott is laughing with her flask in hand and her mask is resting against her chest. Jester is gesturing wildly and Caleb has a small smile. None of them are paying attention to us.

I clear my throat and look back at Fjord and Caduceus. “No, I’m definitely not bothered.” I get up from the bench. “Excuse me, I, um, I have a headache and I need to go to bed.” The music had paused but now it is picking back up and a woman is singing.

_In the dark town of Shady Grove on a Monday eve--_

I walk away from the table and move through the crowd. People move aside for me when they see me coming. I try not to look at Beau when I walk past her to the staircase at the back of the tavern, but I see her in my peripheral. She’s leaning against the bar. I keep walking and now I’m going up the stairs and I can’t see her anymore.

_I met a fair maid as lovely as you’d believe--_

The hallway at the top of the stairs is well lit by torches and it’s brighter than below. There are numbers painted on the doors. I realize that Jester has the keys for our rooms tonight.

_She wore no jewels and her eyes were bright--_

I don’t want to go back downstairs so I keep walking down the hallway. The din of laughter and conversation fades as I walk, though it never quite dies. There is a door at the very end of the hallway and I try the handle, hoping it might lead outside. It opens, and there is a small deck with a staircase beyond it.

_Her hair as black as a moonless night--_

I go outside. The air is very cold and there are trees hanging over a path behind the tavern. A light wind blows through and the leaves rustle, sounding a little like the waves on the beach in Nicodranas. I shiver. I start to relax. I lean against the railing. Light escapes from the tavern windows beneath me, giving the plants beneath the trees a warm glow, like they are props on a stage.

It did bother me that Beau left to go chat with the bartender. I’m sure Caduceus knew that, but Fjord is like me. Clueless.

I miss Molly. I’m almost never not missing Molly, but right now I wish I could talk to him. “What would you say?” I ask the trees.

I picture him standing next to me, leaning over the railing. He has a wicked grin. “You don’t _really_ like that bratty girl, right?” I speak for him, and I can almost remember how his mouth moved when he talked, how his lower lip got stuck behind his fangs on hard syllables.

I feel my mouth turn down and my eyes get hot for a second. “You don’t know, Molly. She’s changed. Everything has changed so much since you’ve been gone.”

His ghost disappears because I can’t picture him here anymore. He could have grown with us. I don’t know what type of person he could have become, and this is what really strikes my heart. He is frozen in time, in the dirt, and he does not get to redeem or create or learn anymore.

It is unfair.

I look up at the stars and let the air cool my head. I take a deep breath and let out a stammering exhale.

There is something specifically about Beauregard that makes me want to be around her. I like when she laughs and I like when she tries to look tough. I like the color of her eyes when we fight together. I don’t know when it was that I started to like those things about her, but it was after Molly. After Darktow.

I hear footsteps behind me and I instinctively place my hand on the hilt of my dagger, the one Caleb gave to me (“For the next time you give me a shave”).

I turn and it’s Beau. She’s holding a key in her fingers and holding it out to me. Her face is covered in shadow so I can’t make out her expression. “Jester said to take this to you.”

I reach for it. “Well… thank you,” I say. “How--how’s it going in there?”

“Nott got up on the table and started shouting, so I’d say business as usual.”

I smile. “I meant with the bartender.”

She sort of shrugs and looks at the ground. “Good, actually.”

“Hm.” I tuck the key away and fold my arms across my chest.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Really? Nothing?” She says, and she’s looking me in the eyes now. I can tell because a little bit of starlight is reflecting off of her brown skin. “Fine.”

For a moment I’m not sure what to say. Something is starting to click into place. “Are you angry with me, Beau?”

She throws her hands up in an exaggerated motion. “Maybe I am!”

I open my mouth to say something and then I stop. “Oh,” is all I can think to reply.

Beau makes a low, rumbling noise and steps towards me. “I’m tired of this. Look, Yasha, do you want me or not?”

“I do.” I surprise us both when I say it. My words come out in a little white cloud when they hit the cold air. “I want you.” It feels like a little wind has picked up inside my chest. The truth of it is making my skin buzz and I look away from Beau. “But I can’t--”

She places her hand on my cheek and it’s so warm I flinch a little, and then her lips are pressed against mine. It’s too much and not enough all at once and I think about pulling away but then I start to feel like I do when a fight starts.

I hear a crack of thunder in the distance and the hair on the back of my neck stands on end.

I put my hand on her face and I’m kissing her back, pulling her towards me. I push her inside and against the wall of the hallway. Beau pulls her face away and says, “I want you, too.” She’s grinning. I’m grinning. Her body feels loose in my arms.

I lean over her and kiss her. It feels like relief.


End file.
